How Coffee Sunk My Mood

The reason I cut back.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

My first sip of coffee was at my grandmother’s house. I remember the soothing warmth against my hands and the nutty, complex taste that made the world a little quieter. It was love at first sight — to the surprise of my grandmother, who had expected me to spit it out and cry.

This love of coffee continued into my teenage years and then skyrocketed in my twenties; I bought my first machine that could make anything from milky lattes to full pots of coffee. At this point, I was Twitch streaming full time , anywhere from 8–12 hours of streams daily. The routine was great— I streamed, drank coffee, and slept like a rock — but that changed once I got closer to thirty.

“I don’t really like coffee, she said, but I don’t really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either. ”
― Brian Andreas

Coffee didn’t do it for me anymore. Instead of feeling energized, I felt exhausted. It wasn’t your typical wrong-side-of-the-bed exhaustion— it was the kind that made you want to fall asleep standing up. This was awful for streaming, which was a medium for me to be noisy and outgoing.

That’s when I tried stronger stuff. The good stuff. Okay, not that good. I’m talking about “super coffees” loaded with caffeine and tiptoed the line between coffee and jet fuel. It was great…