The Spotlight Effect: Is Everyone Watching You?
You walk into a coffee shop and order your favorite drink. When you tell them your order, you fumble over your words — not once — but twice. You hand over your card but, as you’re bullying yourself for being embarrassing, you hand them the wrong card and it gets rejected. Loudly. Every eye in the room is on you. All you want is to run to your car and scream. Everyone thinks I’m an idiot, you tell yourself. I heard someone laugh.
While you may have gotten a glance or two, no one actually thought twice about the occurrence. Instead, they were too caught up in their own lives to notice you had done anything embarrassing. This is a common feeling we get known as The Spotlight Effect.
What is The Spotlight Effect?
The Spotlight Effect is defined as the phenomenon in which people believe they are being noticed more than they actually are. We spent so much time thinking about ourselves, we believe others must notice the same flaws — anchoring their views to our own.
How does it affect me?
The Spotlight Effect can cause low self-confidence and social anxiety, which negatively impacts our day-to-day lives.
“Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’
‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.”
― George R.R. Martin
When I was in high school, I was given the opportunity to announce a couple of performers during our school choir concert. This was not an impressive task — the audience was filled with tired parents and children playing with empty seats — but it felt important to me. When that day rolled around and I stepped onto the stage, something happened. All I could see were a hundred pairs of eyes staring back at me in the dark auditorium. My heart pounded and I couldn’t breathe. I stumbled over my words and made a complete fool of myself. As I walked off, the room was silent. Everyone thinks you’re weird now. Even still, I had one more performer to announce.
What can I do to overcome it?
Breathe
Calm breathing can ease our heartrate and reverse the effects of The Spotlight Effect, allowing us to think more clearly about the situation and not get caught up in our embarrassment.
Understand What You’re Experiencing
This is important. When it feels like everyone is watching you, remind yourself that there is research to prove otherwise. People move on quickly. Even if someone notices the occasional slip-up, they are too caught up with their own lives to consider for more than a few seconds.
Look Outward
How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Would you judge a coworker harshly for something they said or did by mistake? Odds are, the answer is no. Humans tend to be very forgiving and even more so over something minor.
Talk to Someone
The Spotlight Effect happens to all of us. While it is normal to feel as if people notice our mistakes, when it is occurring often and negatively impacting your life — perhaps it is time to talk to someone.
“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.” ― Shannon L. Alder
After I failed one announcement and the second was around the corner, I took a deep breath and told myself, I may not be able to stop my fear, but I can at least control it. When I stepped onto that stage again, I played it up. Really played it up. I waved awkwardly, laughed nervously, announced the next performer with a shrug, and ran off the stage. What followed astounded me: there was clapping, people were laughing. They were laughing because I leaned into my own fear and made it into a joke. I got compliments after the show on my little announcement. It meant the world to me.
You deserve to live your life without worry. The bottom line is, The Spotlight Effect happens to all of us. By learning to control how it impacts you, you determine what happens next. It could be through breathing exercises, stepping into someone else’s shoes, or — if you feel so inclined — running off the stage.
